I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
