Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
