I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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