I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
