Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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