I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
