FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
