2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
