i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
My vagina is very pro this idea
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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