those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
We are all done wearing pants today
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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