The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
