your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
