Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
