Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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