Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
