I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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