her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
