If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
