So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
