You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
