I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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