Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Randomize
