he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
