did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
