After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
