I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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