Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
