With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
