apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
There was a lot of him and a little penis
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
