he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
