I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
even my farts smell like vagina
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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