none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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