I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
