Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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