I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
