where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
