I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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