i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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