Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
