there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
