The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
