There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
