butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
