i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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