I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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