dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
