Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
