how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
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