i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
