He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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