I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
